FEATURES: Taking the Time to be Kind

Acts of kindness can have a profound impact. However, some people seem to expect kindness to be presented to them effortlessly, without any reciprocation.

Recently, during my visit to France, I took a bus ride. In the town of Chartres, the bus made a stop to let off some passengers. As more people boarded the bus for Paris, it filled up completely before departure.

Close to my seat, a woman appeared to be waiting for someone to offer her a place to sit. In a gesture of courtesy, I rose from my seat, allowing her to take it. She did not acknowledge my action with a smile or a word of thanks; instead, she promptly resumed her texting.

The incident brought to mind a story shared with me by a friend. A similar situation occurred on a bus. When a woman realized that no one was offering her a seat, she began to voice her complaints loudly.

“Those days of chivalry, when men would offer their seats to women standing on a bus, are long gone,” she remarked. Turning to the man seated next to her, she continued, “Some men are aware that a woman needs a seat, yet they do not even consider giving up theirs.”

The woman continued her tirade. After twenty minutes, the man finally called out that he was getting off. “At last, he is leaving,” the woman noted. “He couldn’t endure what I had to say any longer.”

Before the woman could utter another word, the man requested the conductor to provide him with his crutches. He was struggling to descend, and all eyes were focused on him. The woman, who had taken his seat, feigned sleep until they reached their destination.

In the office of a non-governmental organization, the following passage was displayed prominently for all to see: “If someone were to compensate you €10 for every kind word you have ever spoken and deduct €5 for every unkind word, would you find yourself wealthy or impoverished?”

“Kindness is more than deeds,” C. Neil Strait once reminded. “It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch.  It is anything that lifts another person.”

There are some instances where a person who has rendered kindness gets in trouble because of the kindness he extended to the other person. If that sounds equivocal to you, let me share the story of an Indonesian journalist who attended the coral reef conference in Cairns, Australia.

It was a long trip from Jakarta to Sydney. Now, she was ready to take her final flight from Sydney to Cairns. She was already sitting for a few minutes inside the plane when the lone seat next to her was taken by a little Australian boy. “Are you alone?” she inquired. The boy answered negatively. “My father is sitting out there,” he pointed out.

The flight was fully booked, and there was no way the father and son could be together. Since it was still a three-hour flight, she stood up and told the father he could take her seat so the two could be together.

They were already flying when she remembered that she placed her notebook computer at the back of the seat where she previously occupied. She stood up and asked the little boy's father if he had seen the computer.

“Yes, I did,” the man replied. “I gave it to the stewardess. I thought it belonged to a previous passenger before this flight.” The journalist answered, “But you know that I occupied this seat before. Why didn’t you bother to ask me first?”

The journalist went to the stewardess and asked for her computer. She was told that it was left in Sydney because they thought it was left by a previous passenger, as the man told them.

Throughout the flight, the Indonesian journalist was fuming. “And this is what I get for extending kindness to them?” she told herself. It was not until two days later that she took hold of her computer again.

“Constant kindness can accomplish much,” said Albert Schweitzer. “As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”

Several years ago, I spent a vacation with my sister’s family in Grand Rapids, Minnesota. One afternoon, while I was in the backyard, I noticed my two nephews playing nearby. About thirty minutes later, I heard Phil calling for assistance.

“My balloon, my balloon,” he exclaimed. However, before the balloon could ascend, Erik managed to seize the string and handed it to his younger brother.

Phil beamed with joy upon receiving his balloon back. Without hesitation, he expressed his gratitude to Erik, saying, “Thank you very much. You are my hero.”

It’s not hard to define kindness. Celebrated American novelist and humorist Mark Twain has this metaphor: “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.”

Kindness costs you nothing, but it means everything to whoever receives it. Do it now, anytime, anywhere.

“Carry out a random act of kindness,” Princess Diana urged, “with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” Harold S. Kushner puts it in a different perspective: “Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.”

Action speaks louder than words. If you want to be kind to others, just do it. Amelia Earhart once pointed out, “No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind of action leads to another. A good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.”

“Kindness is more than deeds,” wrote C. Neil Strait. An unknown author explains kindness further through these words: “Kindness makes life and relationships more pleasant. Amidst difficulties and adversities, kindness is the cushion that smoothens the roughness of the journey. It is the oil that soothes pain. It is the water that helps souls grow luxuriantly into mature, well-balanced individuals.”

I was reminded of an anecdote involving a soldier who served under Alexander the Great. While the authenticity of this tale may be uncertain, it illustrates the rewards that can arise from acts of kindness.

The soldier was transporting a heavily burdened mule to the royal tent. Observing that the load was excessive for the animal, he removed a bag from the mule's back and carried it on his own shoulders.

Alexander witnessed this selfless act and was so impressed that he summoned the soldier. He then declared, “The bag you are carrying on your shoulders is filled with gold. Accept it as a gift from me. It is rightfully yours; you have earned it.”

Without kindness, life is often a struggle, a defense, a competition or a fight. There is no warmth and no love. Kindness is the antidote to the epidemic of hate. It is an indicator of inner strength, for it is the people who are afraid who need to look tough.

Let kindness rule the world – not war. As Aesop puts it: “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”